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If I Were The Devil

if i were the devilIf I were the devil – if I were the Prince of Darkness,

I’d want to engulf the whole world in darkness.  So I’d set about, in whatever way necessary, to take over the World.

If I were the devil, I’d create good, wholesome teenage celebrities for young girls to idolise and then I’d turn their idols into promiscuous sluts and dress them in raunchy, revealing outfits and get them to dance like nightclub prostitutes on children’s TV.

If I were the devil, I would tell high school kids that university is not for learning wisdom, but about experiencing “life” and then I would seduce them with alcohol, drugs and abundant sex, and tell them that’s what having “a good time” is all about, and that there are no consequences.  I would encourage schools to teach little of importance and neglect to discipline emotions – just let those run wild!

If I were the devil, I’d educate authors in how to make lurid literature exciting so that anything of real value would appear dull and uninteresting.  I’d litter TV with more and more nudity and foul language and persuade the audience that it is just “reflecting reality”.

And then, if I were the devil, I’d get organized. I’d infiltrate unions and urge more idleness and less work, because idle hands usually work for me.  I’d tell everyone they had a right to government hand-outs and I’d create technologies that made work redundant and people bored and useless.  Then I’d sedate them with anti-depressives to keep them quiet.

If I were the devil, I’d tell men that they are bullying and entitled, and that masculinity is shameful.  I’d tell women that they are just as strong as men.  Then I’d force them to accept men masquerading as women into their sports teams to destroy their sense of achievement.

if i were the devilIf I were the devil, I’d send drag queens into pre-school classes to read a book called, When daddy married Mike, to the children.  I’d say there is no such thing as male and female and tell the children that they should choose a pronoun for their gender from dozens of possibilities.  Then I’d force everyone else to respect their choice and make them feel guilty if they’re not certain what pronoun to use.  I’d even make sure they are punished when they got it wrong.

If I were the devil, I’d flood the world with fast cars, beautiful yachts, expensive jewellery and delicious food.   Then I’d make only a very few people able to afford them and watch the faces of the rest as I tax and fine them into poverty.  When they protested I’d call their opinions hate speech, deprive them of their voice and watch their bitterness grow.

If I were the devil, I’d call the truth, fake news and then I’d shower the people with lies and disinformation until half of them were utterly confused and frustrated and the other half had just given up altogether on trying to understand anything at all.

I’d tell black people they are under-privileged and that it’s all the white man’s fault and tell the white man he should feel guilty about the things his great-grandfather did.

I’d tell Christians that all Muslims are of Satan and I’d tell Muslims that all Christians are the infidel and then I’d flood Christian countries with Muslims and rub my hands with glee as I waited for the bloodbath.

If I were the devil, I would designate atheists to front for me before the highest courts in the land and I would get preachers to say “they’re right.” With flattery and promises of power, I could get the courts to rule against God and in favour of pornography and sexual perversion and thus, I would evict God from the justice system, and then from education, and then from the government and then, in His own churches I would substitute psychology and philosophy for religion.

I would create weapons capable of destroying the world and put them into the hands of fools, criminals and the insane.

If I were the devil I would give the keys to Hollywood to a pornographic film star and say it was to honour her for courage in speaking truth

If I were the devil, I would whisper, “The Bible is a myth.”  I would convince them that man created God instead of the other way around. I would confide that what is bad is good, and what is good is old-fashioned, dangerous and fascist.

If I were Satan, I’d create a holy day called Easter and make its symbol an egg, and another called Christmas and make its symbol a bottle.

If I were the devil I’d soon have families at war with themselves, churches at war with themselves, and nations at war with themselves; until each in its turn was consumed.  And with promises of higher ratings I’d have the media fan the flames.

If I were the devil I would tell the world, “You can do as you please.”

In other words, if I were Satan, I’d just keep on doing what I’ve been doing.


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